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那天在 BBS 上看到的文，
覺得很有趣 XD 挺幽默的，轉貼來讓大家也能莞爾一笑。
http://moronland.net/moronia/moron/953/
雖然內容有點色，不過應該也算是清新的黃色笑話吧 ^^
果然 "阿多仔" 對於性的開放程度不是我們能夠學的來的~~~
(只學到人家糟糕的部份 >"<)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome
things that money can buy."
我認為性是世界上最美, 最自然, 最有益健康, 而且還可以用錢買得到的東西.
--Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
你知道女人在 "渴望" 的那種表情嗎? 我也不知道.
--Steve Martin (史提夫馬丁)
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand."
做愛好比打橋牌, 對手不好的話, 就得靠自己的手 (一手好牌) 了.
--Woody Allen (伍迪艾倫)
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
雙性戀能立即使你在週六晚上找到約會對象的機會加倍.
--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
現在有很多機械裝置可以提高人 (尤其是女人) 的性趣,
其中最有效的就是賓士 380SL.
--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at
the taxidermist."
把性留給女性主義者主導, 就好比讓你的狗去動物標本師家裡渡假一樣.
--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
到了 90 歲, 性就好比用根繩子來打撞球一樣.
--George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight
are unimportant."
有九個原因讓人相信人有來生輪迴, 其中一個是性, 另外八個都不重要.
--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
女人或許會假裝幾次高潮, 但只有男人會假裝整段感情.
--Sharon Stone (莎朗史東)
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
我馬子嘿咻的時候總是笑個不停 - 不論她看的是什麼書.
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers) (蘋果電腦創辦人)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
我媽從沒發現叫我 "婊子養的" 有什麼不對勁.
--Jack Nicholson (傑克尼克遜)
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but
he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
柯林頓說謊. 男人或許會忘記車停哪裡, 家在哪裡,
但絕對忘不了在哪裡被吹, 即使完全沒爽到.
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you
didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
(芭芭拉布希, 美國前任第一夫人, 你還以為她沒啥幽默感呢)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
啊, 沒錯, 離婚, 這個字來自拉丁文, 意思是把男人的性器官從錢包裡扯下來.
--Robin Williams (羅賓威廉斯)
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as
the only time of the month that I can be myself."
女人常抱怨經前症候群, 但我卻覺得那是我每個月唯一可以做回自己的機會.
--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
女人做愛需要理由. 男人只需要地方.
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women.
They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course,
men are just grateful."
根據最新調查顯示, 女人覺得在男人面前脫衣服比在其他女性面前裸體自在,
因為女性批判性太強, 而男性卻都會心生感激.
--Robert De Niro (勞勃迪尼洛)
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many
men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say
they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
有個新的醫學危機出現了. 醫界報導許多男人對橡膠保險套過敏,
症狀是嚴重的腫脹....這算哪門子問題?
--Dustin Hoffman (達斯汀霍夫曼)
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think,
I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
男性雜誌裡的忠告很少, 因為男人只會想著, 我知道自己在幹嘛, 快秀張裸照給我.
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
I don't like and just give her a house."
與其再婚, 我想還是乾脆直接找個我不喜歡的女人, 直接把房子送她比較快.
--Rod Stewart (洛史都華)
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis,
and only enough blood to run one at a time."
你看, 問題就出在上帝給了男人大腦和老二, 血液卻只夠其中一個用.
--Robin Williams (羅賓威廉斯)
覺得很有趣 XD 挺幽默的，轉貼來讓大家也能莞爾一笑。
http://moronland.net/moronia/moron/953/
雖然內容有點色，不過應該也算是清新的黃色笑話吧 ^^
果然 "阿多仔" 對於性的開放程度不是我們能夠學的來的~~~
(只學到人家糟糕的部份 >"<)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome
things that money can buy."
我認為性是世界上最美, 最自然, 最有益健康, 而且還可以用錢買得到的東西.
--Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
你知道女人在 "渴望" 的那種表情嗎? 我也不知道.
--Steve Martin (史提夫馬丁)
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand."
做愛好比打橋牌, 對手不好的話, 就得靠自己的手 (一手好牌) 了.
--Woody Allen (伍迪艾倫)
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
雙性戀能立即使你在週六晚上找到約會對象的機會加倍.
--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
現在有很多機械裝置可以提高人 (尤其是女人) 的性趣,
其中最有效的就是賓士 380SL.
--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at
the taxidermist."
把性留給女性主義者主導, 就好比讓你的狗去動物標本師家裡渡假一樣.
--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
到了 90 歲, 性就好比用根繩子來打撞球一樣.
--George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight
are unimportant."
有九個原因讓人相信人有來生輪迴, 其中一個是性, 另外八個都不重要.
--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
女人或許會假裝幾次高潮, 但只有男人會假裝整段感情.
--Sharon Stone (莎朗史東)
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
我馬子嘿咻的時候總是笑個不停 - 不論她看的是什麼書.
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers) (蘋果電腦創辦人)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
我媽從沒發現叫我 "婊子養的" 有什麼不對勁.
--Jack Nicholson (傑克尼克遜)
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but
he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
柯林頓說謊. 男人或許會忘記車停哪裡, 家在哪裡,
但絕對忘不了在哪裡被吹, 即使完全沒爽到.
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you
didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
(芭芭拉布希, 美國前任第一夫人, 你還以為她沒啥幽默感呢)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
啊, 沒錯, 離婚, 這個字來自拉丁文, 意思是把男人的性器官從錢包裡扯下來.
--Robin Williams (羅賓威廉斯)
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as
the only time of the month that I can be myself."
女人常抱怨經前症候群, 但我卻覺得那是我每個月唯一可以做回自己的機會.
--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
女人做愛需要理由. 男人只需要地方.
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women.
They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course,
men are just grateful."
根據最新調查顯示, 女人覺得在男人面前脫衣服比在其他女性面前裸體自在,
因為女性批判性太強, 而男性卻都會心生感激.
--Robert De Niro (勞勃迪尼洛)
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many
men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say
they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
有個新的醫學危機出現了. 醫界報導許多男人對橡膠保險套過敏,
症狀是嚴重的腫脹....這算哪門子問題?
--Dustin Hoffman (達斯汀霍夫曼)
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think,
I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
男性雜誌裡的忠告很少, 因為男人只會想著, 我知道自己在幹嘛, 快秀張裸照給我.
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
I don't like and just give her a house."
與其再婚, 我想還是乾脆直接找個我不喜歡的女人, 直接把房子送她比較快.
--Rod Stewart (洛史都華)
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis,
and only enough blood to run one at a time."
你看, 問題就出在上帝給了男人大腦和老二, 血液卻只夠其中一個用.
--Robin Williams (羅賓威廉斯)
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